She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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