Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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