Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
