So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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