Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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