i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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