Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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