I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
