Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
