Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
