Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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