We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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