he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
