Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
