So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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