I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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