After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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