Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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