This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
