I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
