She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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