Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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