i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Panties = found
Randomize
