I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
