I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
