it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
