Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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