we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
