It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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