On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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