I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
