38 yer olds are good kisserssss
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
