I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
