The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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