my mouth tastes like poor choices
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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