You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
