mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You're so nebulous sometimes
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
