I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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