I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
