I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
