dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
