just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
