do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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