When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
