What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
