hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
