I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
