Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
