4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
