Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
