If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
