my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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