McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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