Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
