when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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